A lie is considered to be an insulting action worldwide, however in the case of toddlers this does not apply. This is because a toddler does not lie to deceive but rather because they cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality, wishes to remain good in your eyes or wish that reality was more like they wished it and forget the truth as a convenience.

To offer some examples, you come into the room and find marker all over your toddler, you ask him or her why he or she drew all over him/herself and he or she says, “I didn’t, Mickey did.” While this is a lie, your toddler was likely trying to draw Mickey or was drawing with Mickey so in his or her imagination, Elmo did the coloring and he or she is not lying.

In another scenario, you may come in and find your toddler has broken a lamp, when you ask how it became broken he or she may say, “It fell on its own.” Because he/she feels guilty that he/she broke the lamp and wishes he/she had not so much that he/she believes that he/she did not.

In this same scenario he or she may know they broke the lamp, but as toddlers are people pleasers he or she may lie to keep you from becoming angry with her/him.

In any case lying is in almost all cases not intentional and will cease when your child is around 3 or 4. After this point, the behavior may be a learned one. In the meantime, you can encourage honesty by lessening or forgoing punishment when the truth is told. Also, be sure to be truthful in your own actions as toddlers learn by experience. Lastly, until your child is older avoid asking questions you already know the answer to that may result in a lie. Hearing your child lie frustrates you, and being unable to recall events properly frustrates your child. If possible, it is best to avoid frustration on both sides and just go with what you know. It may also help if punishment is warranted as the child did something he or she knew they should not do, ton walk the child through what it was they did rather than asking them to explain to you what they did. This makes it clear why they are in trouble in the event they have forgotten or are confusing fantasy with realty.