Baby Not Bonding With Mother
It is common to hear doctors, mothers and other people talking about the spectacular bonding experience that occurs between mother and baby shortly after birth. For some women, it just happens as they witness their baby crying for the first time or touch the tiny finger. Here we will focus briefly on the baby not bonding with mother.
It is an all-encompassing feeling of awe that sort of feels warm and fuzzy and present emotions that may have never been apparent before. The problem is that “bonding with baby” has become so cliché that new mothers feel obligated to do so and then feel let down when it doesn’t happen like in the fairy tales that they have heard.
Bonding with your baby is not about love or maternal instinct. It isn’t about having one certain feeling that can’t be explained or an indefinable gasp of emotion that hits all at once like a storm. Rather, bonding with baby is an experience that evolves over time and that starts out as one thing and rapidly leads to another.
Part of the bonding experience is dealing with a colicky baby for three weeks and still feeling in love with him when it’s over – almost as if it has never happened. Bonding is handing the baby off to grandma when she comes and knowing the baby still loves you.
Bonding is also realizing that this baby, born form your blood and DNA are unconditionally tied to you for the rest of your life and beyond. There isn’t always a pivotal moment that decides whether you have bonded.
The swirl of hormones after delivery can make the idealistic bonding difficult. For many women who suffer baby blues or post-partum depression, the pressure to bond only makes the symptoms worse. For others, the first few weeks after having a baby just feel sort of numb as if the experiences are just coming and going with no rhyme or reason.
Every human handles it differently and there is no reason to expect some monumental ah-ha moment to occur. The fact remains, you bonded with your baby while you were pregnant and the feelings for your child will always ebb and flow. Some days you will feel cut out to mother and other days you will question your judgment to bear children at all.
Don’t put pressure on yourself and try to tune out the linguistic garbage of other moms who talk eloquently about their bonding moment. They are different than you. They could never be the kind of mother that you are and they certainly weren’t chosen to raise your child. Instead, detail your feelings in a journal and try to allow things to unfold in their own time.
Rather than force a bonding session, no that holding your baby and taking the very best care of her possible is your own special way of bonding. Feel the comfort that the way you connect with your child is genetically perfect and that there are no definable descriptions of what bonding is or what it should feel like to you.
Many moms, especially if pregnancy or childbirth were difficult to find that it takes up to a year to feel that amazing connection with their child. If your child is born with a birth defect, is premature or has health issues, the bonding can be hindered by feelings of unjust or by the bustle of events that follow the delivery.
Others may not be able to realize that it is happening and then a few years down the road it just hits them that they are remarkably in love with their child. In other words, take what other people say about bonding as a biographical excerpt of who they are; not of who you should be.
Every mother bonds with her baby at some point in some way. When you decide that you will stop thinking about it so much and begin de-emphasizing your expectations of the event it will become a non-issue. Often, things that are a big deal to us as mothers are really only big deals because we create them in our minds.
Take control of your thoughts and be realistic – taking into consideration the kind of person you are before you sabotage your mothering abilities. Bonding is simply another way to describe the transition that a woman goes through as they become a mother and it will all come full circle before you know it.