Boy or Girl? When Gender Matters
Almost as soon as you tell someone you are pregnant, they will immediately ask you whether or not you are having a boy or girl, when gender matters.
While most people act or say that “it doesn’t matter as long as the baby is healthy” there are few who say this with complete honesty.
The truth remains that long before any of us have children, we have a vision of the children in our future and this vision always coincides with a certain gender.
Many people dream of the picture-perfect boy and girl (boy being the eldest of course) while others may imagine they won’t make a good parent to a son or likewise a daughter.
What we think we want and what we get are rarely the same and it is important to not be too tangled up in the gender wars.
First of all, there is still a very archaic way of thinking in place among most people that have been handed down silently since the beginning of time. Men think they have to have a son and women think they have to provide one. Good luck with that.
Many husbands and wives of all-girl families feel as though they have failed somehow and this seems to be reinforced in society.
There will always be people who ask “what about the boy” or “Are you going to try again for a son” or “three girls, wow I feel sorry for you.” While nothing personal is meant by these statements it just reinforces the fact that as a world we haven’t come as far as inequality as we may think.
Very few all-boy families get comments like this and there is an air of superiority when a family has all sons. Sad, but true.
Secondly, while most husbands would never admit it to their wife or anyone else for that matter, there is a deep sense of having a son to carry on the family name. Not having a son can feel like the end of a legacy.
Certainly, when the daughters arrive they are lapped up by dad tenfold, but in the meantime, most men feel a sense of disappointment. And the wives pick up on this.
You aren’t the first wife to think that your husband wanted a son. Still, it isn’t something worth getting too hung upon. There has to be a point in life when we realize that none of us has quite as much control over things as we hoped for. Some things, like the gender of a baby, just are!
Perhaps one of the best ways to avoid all of the external static over the gender of your baby is to keep it a surprise. Either don’t find out or if you do, don’t tell the world.
The experience of childbirth has the ultimate ability to change perceptions, no matter how deeply embedded they are, and when the time comes none of the gender favoritism will matter.
At that moment, all that will concern you will have ten fingers, ten toes, red skin and a high pitched cry that will melt your heart.
At that moment, all that was supposed to be, what should be and what should have been meeting perfectly in the middle and life is exactly how it should be. Regardless of whether the baby is a boy or a girl.
When gender matters too much, it can strain the relationship not only with mom and dad but with the baby as well.
One of the first lessons of raising children and becoming a parent is the bright realization that our children are not always exactly what we envision them to be. Sometimes they are even more!
Thanks a lot for reading my article “Boy or Girl? When Gender Matters”. I hope to read and enjoy it! Best of luck.